Trusting…is hard.

Wow. Something happened this afternoon that completely threw my brain into chaos.

I added a local photographer on facebook because she did senior portraits of a CF senior, and I wanted to be able to see them. She messaged me asking who I was, and I explained that I know the young man, and also that photography is one of my passions and I’m going to be attending Hawkeye for their amazing program.

this is what she wrote back to me:

Im sorry, I hope I dont sound terrible, but I do not add other photographers unless they are not from this area. There are just too many! I would really stear clear of Hawkeye’s photography program. This area is saturated with photographers and I think that it would be a better foundation to get a 4 year degree in business, management or PR because at least you can use that degree for something other than photography.

That hurt. A LOT.

Maybe I’m too soft. Maybe she’s right. But it still hurts. I don’t want a woman I don’t know to tell me what I should or should not do. But it did get me thinking-what if I’m really not good enough? There are a lot of people who are going into photography, just because they think its easy with the easily accessible equipment. Should this just stay a hobby? I really want to learn. I’m not amazing-and I don’t want to think I am unless I really am good. Not because my friends say so, or I have a nice, good-quality, expensive camera. I actually often feel like I’m not adequat -I don’t have an amazing editing program, or lots of lenses and equipment, or training of any kind. But I’m willing to learn. This gives me a drive to push myself- to think more creatively, to learn everything I can (even the confusing parts-like f-stops and RAW and everything else that I don’t even know exists!) I know I’m not Jasmine* or Jamie Delaine or Sarah Barlow or even Kristen! (just a few of my favs.)

Maybe photography isn’t my “calling”… but then I don’t know what is. I love music, so much, but I’m not amazing at it either. Or theatre. Or theology. But I do know: that I love God and I want to grow in my faith. I want to learn to share that with others-espcially kids and teens. I love theatre/musical theatre and CYT especially, and I want to be a part of that somehow. Or something similar. I love people-talking with them, getting to know them, investing in their lives.

I don’t know what God’s plan is for me yet. I thought maybe I’d figured it out. I guess..we’ll all just have to wait and see. (:

Don’t let anyone look down on you for being young. Instead, make your speech, behavior, love, faith, and purity an example for other believers.-1 Timothy 4:12

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.- Jeremiah 29:11

[the verses I’m clinging to right now.]


One Comment to “Trusting…is hard.”

  1. Oh goodness…. I’m so sorry Mia! This completely sucks. I wish I could pull you aside, grab coffee, and talk about this post. Don’t let this girl bring you down! You are making your own way through your life, and doing an amazing job. You’re trusting God and doing what is in His Will for the moment. I’m so sure of that. You are doing everything hand-in-hand with God… and He will BLESS you so much for that. He loves loves loves you, and I do too! All of these amazing photographers had to start somewhere- you have to remember that. You are awesome, and you’re still learning. God is going to take you awesome places- don’t let one comment from some girl bring you down. God’s knows what He’s doing!

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